If you're not familiar with the old English custom of Plough Monday, here's a brief synopsis. Having got used to idleness and misrule over Yuletide and not keen to begin the backbreaking task of ploughing the waterlogged fields, on the first Monday after Epiphany the ploughboys decorate the plough and parade it to every house in the village, where the conversation goes like this: Admire our magnificent plough. Thank you very much. And now, in the immortal words of Bob Geldof, "Give us your f*****g money", or we'll come back and plough up the path to your house.
